Comments

Sigh. As I posted on Facebook yesterday, I endured another inappropriate comment regarding my size from a complete stranger yesterday. This is not the first comment. Or second or third or fourth or..... I have a comical list of comments made to me by people with whom I barely talk, either at work or just out. The comment from this woman yesterday seemed less egregious than others. She was sweet, reminded me of Gram, complimented me on my boots and wanted to discuss how I ordered them from Amazon. And by now I'm kind of used to it even though I would never describe myself as "big" or "ready to pop". Maybe because I've known a lot of pregnant women, maybe because my idea of big is different from these people's ideas, maybe because I was taught by my parents to never comment on someone's size and, to be sure, NEVER EVER assume someone is pregnant lest you be wrong and, consequently, hurtful.

No doubt I am bigger with this pregnancy than with LJ which is common with second pregnancies. But of course, most of these people don't know that. Whereas with LJ, at 20-24 weeks I just looked thick in the middle, with this pregnancy it was fairly obvious I was pregnant, not maybe-pregnant-maybe-gaining-weight. I was told by a friend she began wearing maternity clothes at 7 weeks with her second (she went on to be told she wasn't big enough and should go to the doctor by many strangers), something I avoided although I definitely found my trusty maternity leggings much sooner with this pregnancy.

Regardless of people's intentions, this trend is generally suggestive of the overwhelming entitlement we feel to comment on women's bodies. I remember sitting at a dinner table with a couple of men who were commenting on a player's girlfriend's body. Having sat through conversations with these people previously, talking vulgarly about Huffington Post photos, I had promised myself I would not stand for another conversation like this. I interrupted, scolding them both for impropriety, especially in front of me, another woman. "Well," one replied, "weren't you just telling us about the players on the team you thought were so cute?" This is typical in this dude-centric world: dismissal, minimizing, exemption from judgment, particularly when challenged. But I replied (in my head although how I wish I said it out loud!!!), "yes, because saying someone is good-looking is equivalent to a vulgar comment on a woman's body. And beyond that, can one say that women's and men's bodies have been under equal scrutiny historically?" No, of course not. There is evidence after evidence that has documented how women are held to a much higher standard with looks, and the public feels quite comfortable, even responsible, commenting on it.

So now I face another 7 weeks of hearing inappropriate comments, laughing them off or nodding my head in agreement. I generally like being pregnant and am healthy so body/weight comments do not cut deep for me personally. Most people mean no harm which should be noted and factored into a response. But it should also be noted that this is not appropriate, and as I said in a previous post, women's bodies do not belong to society but instead to themselves. Free and open comments that cannot be summed up by "you look great!", no matter how accurate, are always inappropriate, no matter the situation. Feel free to say, you look great! But anything else needs to be kept on the inside or said to your friend after the person leaves the room like a good Midwesterner.