Livin' the Dream

I grew up in a house with open doors and open windows, mainly to accommodate spontaneous guests in human and feline form. By high school, I never knew who I'd find in my house when I returned home from school or an activity. Perhaps a friend napping on the couch in the backroom, weeping at the kitchen counter to my mom, making themselves dinner from the leftovers, maybe even sitting in the back yard laughing with Dad. With no cell phones and busy schedules, plans were rarely made, but our house was full of people. In fact, after my sister went to college her bed had a revolving number of my friends, Shelise, Carla, Megan, any and all who needed to get to school early or wanted to stay up late, or, most importantly, eat a healthy and nourishing meal.

This lifestyle suits me because not only was I put on this planet to feed people, but I enjoy company and crowds and loud gatherings. Louisa has also come to expect this in her life. In Portland we didn't really have unexpected guests but we had many, many gatherings, to the point that it did become a little exhausting, but was reliably comforting at the same time, like a daily reminder that I could actually make friends outside of high school. But, no friends lived near by so text messaged plans always had to be made, dinner parties involved more preparation, playdates with my moms' group planned via Facebook.

It seems like here in Fairlington, we have come the closest we ever (and will ever likely) to my childhood and adolescence. Louisa had two best friends in this neighborhood: Alvaro who lived across the parking lot and Lito who lived in the building perpendicular to ours. But, tragically, Alvaro moved the first week in August and Lito returned to his mom's the second weekend (he stays with his dad during the summer). Before this, the communal parenting that was happening in our tiny cul de sac was one of the most satisfying things I have ever experienced. Some nights, I was feeding all three kids, some nights, Louisa was at Lito's, eating, playing and cuddling with her "step mom" as Amos and I enjoyed a quiet, non-combative meal (LJ, man, she knows how to fight during dinner). Many nights our next door neighbors who have a baby two months younger than EC, come over with some food to contribute to our meal and we have an impromptu dinner. In fact, every thing is impromptu here. The only planned events are our weekly Friday happy hours.

One night, a couple weeks ago, I had a couple high school friends over to swim and eat. But Lito joined so his parents could go to a birthing class. By dinner the house became crowded with neighbors and friends and Louisa kept referring to the night as a party. But it was another impromptu celebration where I get to feed everyone and Louisa gets to entertain everyone with some sort of performance. I was so pleased that night even though LJ stayed up late and there was so much tidying to do. Being the central house is a dream come true to me.

When Lito left, I was overwhelmingly nervous about how this would affect Louisa. She is used to coming home from school to her friends who are usually waiting for her (in our house, petting our cats, because this is, after all, a Tuttle house), but the first Monday without Lito was sadly quiet. The silence lasted only 24 hours and by Tuesday Louisa was kind of over it, nurturing the neighbor 11 month old, at the playground with some classmates, eating Doritos for dinner happily.

Amos is out of town for a game (and will be out of town a lot this month, which sucks for me and for the kids), and I made multiple plans yesterday for LJ so I knew she would have an enjoyable, active post-school afternoon. We hosted a playgroup at the pool and she has an 11 year old buddy who I hired to help me when Amos is gone. Consequently, she was quite content. But the best part of the evening is that, like most other evenings around here, halfway through our nightly yoga, our house went from quiet nighttime preparation to a mini party in our living room. I was so pleased with everyone's presence that I had to take a photo to remind myself and Louisa how lucky we are.  Or Jasper had to take a picture.

So much more has happened since last I posted. And I need to be better at keeping this updated for my children's sake.

Important milestones:

• EC is sitting up. But she doesn't roll over. I'm not going to stress
• EC says "mama" over and over again. But maybe it's directed toward Sissy
• Sissy has become the pool's mascot. She hangs out on the deck daily, knowing kids are around. Each day we go to the pool (which is every day) I find Sissy with some sort of companion, adult or child. She actually walks around the pool and visits everyone.
• LJ is being a toddler, especially about bedtime. I have this active fear that she will be mean in her adolescence, but give her daily reminders about how kindness is the most important characteristic we can have. And that if anyone is mean to her or anyone else, we aren't friends with them. Maybe it's a little much, but I was never enticed by mean people growing up because my parents were always kind and, frankly, kind of righteous in their social choices, and I'd like the same for my kids.
• I started reading a book about the Japanese strategy for tidying up which has been very motivating. I keep too many clothes and Amos is a general hoarder with a number of items. Things will change over the next month I hope.
• I also just started Cokie Roberts's new book, Capital Dames. I am not a non-fiction reader but it's on the kindle so easy to read whilst nursing. And it's about women.
• I read a great article about parenting different genders and how nearly all the characteristics we subscribe to boys and girls are socialization that starts the second they are born. I'm always uncomfortable with people who excuse boys' behavior because they are boys, or say they are more physical because they are boys, studies have shown this isn't true. I feel like it's important to be vigilant about this when raising a girl. Because I've already witnessed sexist behavior toward Louisa and it pisses me off.

EC is up which means are daily walk to the grocery store which I inevitably regret when faced with having to walk back. In 90 degree weather. Up a really steep hill.