To Church We Go

Louisa has a best buddy who is religious. I assume she is Southern Baptist, although I'm not entirely sure. I'm happy to have Louisa exposed to everything and anything and to learn that even if people think differently than us, they are still our friends. But after she referred to God recently as a he, I told her that  we don't know whether God is a boy or a girl. She, a girl who is convinced often of her own expertise,  assured me that, no, God is, in fact a boy.

So the religion field is not one where I tread comfortably. I grew up with progressive hippy parents. My mom took us out of Sunday school after teaching the story of Daniel and the lion's den, something about how vengeful and unkind it was and we went straight to the country church 15 miles away that was Unitarian. Here, instead of talking about Jesus or sin or being chosen, we talked about women's suffrage, about the importance of choice, the humility that we are, none of us, better than the other. Although we sporadically attended Nora Free, the few sermons I attended were important lessons on acceptance (and listening). Unitarian churches are completely motivated by social justice, a unique and important characteristic of a religious institution. Amos, on the other hand, grew up with much more religious, and sometimes I have to remind myself that Clark and Wendy's daughter who eschewed traditional religion married someone whose very diet was dictated by religion. I was put off by Amos's religion when his rabbi refused to marry us or even give a name of a more progressive rabbi to marry us unless we raised our kids Jewish. This to me was traditional religion in a nutshell, exclusive with an uncomfortable bargain to gain acceptance. Instead of me wanting acceptance it turned me off. I know there are more progressive synagogues, an acquaintance's family faced the same rebuff, told by their rabbi he would not marry the son and girlfriend because she wasn't Jewish and that family promptly left that synagogue with a big middle finger and found a more accepting, progressive one. I also, as anyone who is friends with me on Facebook knows, am very uncomfortable with the loyalty to Israel, an apartheid state that is defended by so many Americans. I always say, I can't talk to people who support this state blindly because I may as well talk to someone who doesn't believe gay marriage should exist or, more accurately, gay people shouldn't have civil rights, or even more accurately, violence toward gay people is okay, or, on another topic thinks All Lives Matter or that police violence isn't disproportionately aimed at racial minorities.  I equate these as do others. Religious ideology, destruction, and looking the other way in the face of one-sided violence. I have been very explicit with Amos that my children will not attend any religious institution that aligns itself with this country or indoctrinates its constituents to loyalty. No effing way. But luckily there are plenty of religions that have aligned themselves with divestment in Israel, an important geopolitical and economic tool to hold countries accountable for their criminal acts when international law fails (see South Africa).

Because of these factors, we never really pursued religion with our kids. We will go through the rituals, but Christmas to me was never about Jesus or religion and I am very comfortable about that. I attended a Unitarian church once in Portland but it was boring and I'm not spending a Sunday morning making mental lists of things I need to do as I sit in a pew when I could be at the Farmer's Market or watching Meet the Press (or more accurately, This Week). But now that LJ is asking questions and showing an interest I don't want to ignore it and I want to respect her curiosity. I also don't want to dismiss Mimi's beliefs or tell Louisa that somehow she is superior because she believes differently. As far as I'm concerned, when I hear a religious person criticize or disparage another religion they lose all legitimacy. Either you are all awful or you are all wonderful. Don't be an ass.

I plan to bring LJ to the Unitarian church in our area that is massive, windowy and welcoming as well as known for joyful music. I want her first exposure to be a place where I don't have to explain why some aren't welcome, or rituals that are arbitrary to a four year old. And perhaps it will bore her senseless and we will leave early, or maybe she'll hear one thing that sticks with her so she has her own identity of religion that is not of her friend's. We'll see.

Also, Sam and I were in NU for 12 hours this weekend and it was effing awesome. I LOVE NEW ULM IN THE FALL! And BLTs. And cats that photobomb. And jello salads.